All of these lines across my face..

For just a quick second my life was consumed with just that MY life. My beautiful gift that comes in a tiny little package of a precious baby girl. My husband. My work. Business. And there is absolutely nothing I love more than these things, but then a dear friend of mine recommended a book she thought I might like. Carry on Warrior. Wow. Period. Insanely inspired. Period. Every single person in this world is living and fighting and dreaming and coping and dealing just like we are. It's like someone gave me a pair of glasses to see the world. I have a bad habit of pre judging people. Oh that person is soo lucky.. they have this or poor thing look what they don't have. But now that I have my new world glasses I can see something different. Maybe that person just lost their brother, sister, mother etc. Just maybe he or she is overcoming some life tragedy, addiction, fear, financial, divorce, or just plain fighting themselves. I have personally made a decision. I am no longer going to sugar coat things. Life is hard. Plain and simple. Sometimes we are up and sometimes we are down. In the times I am up, I am going to try and bring everyone I encounter up with me. When I am down, I will depend on those people thru God to bring me up with them, because Lord knows as soon as I'm soaring high on the up, the down is right around the corner waiting for me. And this is life. I used to ask my husband, "why does life have to be so hard?" and he would simply say, because life IS hard. So instead of pretending life isn't hard I'm just going to embrace all facets, the good, bad and the ugly. And know that whichever phase I am in, God is with me. But I have realized there are small little pieces of Gods magic that shine thru every day, every week, every month and every year that make the hard parts seem less hard. It's like how I explain being pregnant. I had a very non complicated pregnancy. Easy. It was smooth sailing. Labor was the same way. But I have to make it known, I am not one who LOVES being pregnant. It is uncomfortable, you loose all control of your body and it's a bitch to get that baby weight off. And who wants to be at a hospital, hooked up to God knows what, awaiting the total unknown and thrown completely out of your element?? But the pure and astounding magic that comes from that entire process makes the rest of the process disappear. Totally forgotten. Even though being pregnant is not my thing.. I would do it over and over and over again to experience God's magic that awaits me at the end. Just like life.. I will endure the hard to see the glimpses of magic that appear out of no where every day. So now that I have a brand new perspective on things and my new world glasses I can see the lines across my face. They are lines of where I have been, who I am, my story.. so many stories. But what I am finding in the lines, my story continues. The story of motherhood, businesses, family, and fight are all being created now and to me that's a magical thing.. cause Im still here breathing and living one hard day at a time.

Spring Break What?!

Spring break. Oh the two words I used to start thinking about on January 1st of every year. The plans would begin.. beaching it up, relaxing pool side or working those extra shifts while out of school. Then once the anticipated break was here, the most important part of my day was making sure I had plans for that evening! Although it has been a few years since those amazing days were upon me, this year I didn't even notice it was spring break.. until today. Almost the last day of break. But as I began to think about all of the spring breaks in the past I began reminiscing of the "old days" The adventure I took with some people I never speak to, people that continue to play a huge part in my life and those who drift in and out thanks to our crazy social media world. And then I take a step out of my world and look in. I would never have guessed this would have been my life. From crazy sleepless nights out on the town, road trips at 2am, clubs and social scene to present day, the love of my life and I tucking into bed to catch up on our latest DVR's and our sweet angel sound asleep across the hall. From random beach trips, concerts and camp outs to present day park trips and frozen yogurt with our mini. Red bull and cigarettes to water and vitamins. A midnight call to come out and play, to a call at midnight.. there has to be something wrong! Planning our days around what craziness will consume that night.. to planning our future to experience adventures far beyond what any night outing could ever bring us. Weekend trips to Austin, Tx with no plans in mind, to weekend trips to Costco, the grocery store, and home goods stores checking off lists of to do's and fix its. Ahhhh the times have changed. Looking into my world from the outside in, I see a family of 3 growing every second of every minute, doing the best they can, being just who they are, adjusting, climbing, pushing, and conquering as time passes too quickly to understand. Spring Break you have once again come upon us, but the meaning of you has changed so drastically that I anxiously await my little one(s) spring breaks to begin my count downs and plans to new places and new adventures created and shared in a whole different light. A light I have only dreamed about. And so the spring breaks of my past, adios.. the memories will stay with me forever but there are new ones that have to be made.

Here for a Blink of an Eye.. RIP F.A.C

This weekend I spent way too much time reflecting. Last Thursday, my husband received a phone call that his brother in Guatemala had suddenly passed away. Pure shock ran thru our entire house. He was not supposed to be taken yet. He was not sick. I felt sadness take over my heart instantly. Not sadness for my sweet brother in law who is now resting.. but sadness for the people he has left behind in the crazy world we live in. Specifically my mother in law. That man who God called to be taken from her world was her everything. I just cannot wrap my mind around a parent loosing a child. The feeling just spins my head into something I never want to find myself in.. EVER. With all these thoughts piling up and my husband hundreds of miles away, I started thinking about the short period of time we are here. It then pushed me to realize what my priorities should be. And although a little late for New Years resolutions, I am determined that this will be the year to finally prioritize what really matters to me in my life. Instead of running around like a crazy lady chasing all of these different paths.. I want one path. The path that fills my heart with pure and genuine happiness... and could possibly take me the opposite direction I am headed. Obviously this won't be as easy as the words written here on this page. But that's ok.. I have never gotten anything worth anything easily. If we are only here in this world for a blink.. why not right?? Why not forgive that one person you haven't been able to? Why not have one more glass of wine? Why not take a road trip "just because"? Why not see your family you have already seen twice this week? Why not tell the person you love 100 times a day how much you love them? Why not be exactly who you are instead of faking for the world? I felt a change coming but I was blind sided by the sort of change that has come to fruition. Nonetheless, this has been placed in my life for a reason. Let's just call it a wake up call and I have been rattled wide awake. Let the grudges be wiped away, let the bitterness fade, and the past be forgotten. Let the canvas be refreshed and ready to be painted with a new story. A story really worth telling. Thank you Felipe Antonio Castaneda. Although I never met you, I loved you. You, sweet brother have changed my life... and for that I will forever be grateful. Rest in peace now.. your memory lives on thru your family.

Working Mom or Stay at Home Mom

So before I ever even thought about babies, I always thought I will NEVER be at stay at home mom. I just NEED to be involved.. I am an out and about sort of lady. I spent the beginning of my self proclaimed "career" doing events for Saks Fifth Avenue.. doing events I never could have imagined I would be doing, meeting world famous designers and being smack dab in the middle of the craziness our city has to offer. Now at this time, I was 22 years old, loving the college life and this job seemed to be in my way. I could kick myself now a days for not taking full advantage. But shoulda, coulda, woulda right? I then moved on to graduate college and took a job downtown SA at a Private Club, members only and my job was recruiting members. These members are the elite of San Antonio. Judges, Congressmen, lawyers, executives. We had fun mixers, events, amazing food and more networking. I had worked there 2 years and this is when I decided to take my life in a new direction. Putting all of my energy into the family biz. Fishing lures. This was traveling the state of Texas and literally working our butts off setting up expos.. selling, advertising and promoting sometimes till we fell over. Now to present day, I work for a medical supply company who specialize in spine products and I am so blessed to be able to work from home. I am still able to be with my little mini.. but I have to say the older she gets, it gets a little more complicated. I used to second guess those moms who officed from home and either had a nanny come in or they still put their kids in daycare. My husband has this saying never spit up in the air.. because it always has to come down (In spanish it makes a little more sense i think). Meaning watch what you say because you never know until you have been there. And boy am I eating my words about that one. Although baby E is on a pretty solid schedule, that baby schedule doesn't always jive with my work schedule.. conference calls, reports, payroll. I have to give it up to those who work from home and keep the little ones with no help. God bless you ladies. So that being said, would it be soo much easier just to be home and not work? Or work and put my heart in school? I thought that was the best part about working from home was getting to be with her every day? Well only time will tell at this point depending on the directions of where these businesses lead us. But I am thinking a life change is in the near future. I definitely don't want either parties to suffer, my job but especially my little whom I want to give the sun, moon and stars and just like every mom believes she absolutely deserves this. But could I really be a stay at home mom? My mind convinces me of one thing.. while my heart tugs in the complete opposite direction.

A Whole New World

It seems my last blog post was over a year ago.. wow. Looking back over my entire blog it started off as a story about a couple in their first years of marriage, taking an idea and pursuing the American Dream.. creating a legacy. Magic in Fishing. We found the magic we were looking for. Almost a year later and our entire world has transformed into something we could never even dream up. So to sum up 2012 and everything in it.. just one small thing that is more than any business venture, more than any job can offer, no amount of money can compare... May 21, 2012 our lives were blessed with the greatest most insane amazing gift in my 30 years of living. This little girl became IT for us. The reason we fight for our dreams, the reason we live, we love, and the one person who taught us who we really are in this life. You hear people talk about the love they have for their children and it just doesn't compare to the actual feeling in your soul. This feeling slapped us both right off of our feet instantly and we are still trying to stand back up. But it seems we will never make it back up.. Our lives have been changed forever. Emmalynn Faith is the best part of each one of us. She is an exact copy of her daddy, but has mommy shining right through those green/grey eyes. She is going to be one fire ball. She absolutely loves her sleep. She began sleeping thru the night at 5 weeks and we haven't turned back. She rolled over at 2 months on my sisters birthday, July 16th in front of my family. Show stopping already! Her first word was Momma on November 1.. best day for her mommy. Her first Halloween she was an elephant. She attended her 1st Friendsgiving that we have every year at our house. She got her ears pierced the day before Thanksgiving along with her 6 month shots and was a champ. But the best was her first Christmas. Mommy and Daddy tried to start all sorts of new traditions with a 7 month old that could care less about anything but the wrapping paper and lights. But wow.. December 2012 will go down in my book as magical for sure. She loves to babble and she is VERY loud. Watching her little personality develope each day makes my heart smile. She loves the water, bathtime is the highlight of her day. Sometimes when I feel like skipping the bath one night, it's like she tells me, "No way Mom, I cannot skip my bath!" Swimming classes are in the near future for this little one. And now she is becoming mobile. She scoots herself around and rolls to where she needs to get to. So now the real fun begins.. baby proofing. She loves sweet potatoes and squash. Not very picky when it comes to eating.. so far green beans is the only no go. Her favorites are bannanas and mangos. She loves our two dogs and I know it's only a matter of time before she will be waking up asking to see her pups. Emma is so completely full of light and such a sweet soul, we still sit and stare at her in pure amazement knowing that she is piece of us. Not only has Emmalynn taught us about being parents, but of course my husband is constantly thinking of new ideas. Well a new adventure is born. A new idea in the toy industry. Now this ride together with baby and God willing babies to come will be unbelievable. I feel like our lives have just started and started with a bang. More to come on this journey. Although we have new partners in the fishing lure business and are not completely hands on, even that partnership was devine. Only Gods hands could have put that together and it was not only done at just the right time, the business has never been bigger. So maybe not so much magic as much as blessings were found in fishing and we have begun a new journey.. A family!! So as we embrace this next part of our lives, from parenting mistakes and accomplishments, to new business and projects, to building our legacy... I will forever hold a place in my heart for the fishing lure business but onward we go.

A Glance at 2011.. Better late than Never

So I am about a week overdue, but I thought this year was definitely worthy of reflecting on since so many things changed. So here goes; 2011 started off slow and steady we had one event for Livingston Lures in January with no travel required and began to focus. We hosted anniversary parties, baby showers, a trip to Az, family reunion in Maine, my beautiful nephew made his way into this world, birthdays and dinners. I felt a huge sense of change.. something was happening, this overwhelming feeling of go out and get it came over me. And that is just what I did. At the end of February I started a job that I couldn't have dreamed up. My brother in law hired me to come and help with some project in his oil and gas company. Wow.. what an experience. But I had no clue what was in store for me. A couple of weeks after I started this new endeavor, a business friend and acquaintance was loosing his Operations manager and wanted to know if I was interested. Only God could orchestrate something this wonderful!! I have not worked outside of our own company in 2 years and NEVER would except just any job. The beginning of the best thing EVER! As the dust settled this year, 2011 had turned into this magnificant change of lifestyle. But still got better. The end of September we found out the most amazing, nerve racking, mind altering, greatest news I have ever gotten. We are going to be parents... a baby will be born May 2012... OUR baby girl! And as October came and went, my husband, and partner forever came to work for the amazing individual who now employs us BOTH. This duo is now back under the same business roof ready to thrive once more. As the year came to a close with all of my favorite holidays, my mind clearer than it has ever been before, my heart as content as I have ever experienced, anticipation leaving me a crazy woman, I can not put into words the pure and utterly insane joy and happiness I have going into this new year. Thank you 2011, you were exactly what I needed to gracefully enter my turn of the century year, you were perfectly imperfect and although this short paragraph gives only a glimpse of what you had placed in our path, I know I will never forget this year, as the year my life was shaken into such a beautifully clear picture.

*** All of my thanks and glory go to GOD.. none of this would ever have fallen where it did without HIS hand in. For my answered and unanswered prayers.. Thank you Lord.. you will continue to get all of my praise forever and ever AMEN!

I will Shine The Light

Yesterday afternoon, I was heading over to the office and as I stopped at a stoplight a couple of miles away there was a man holding a sign. A common sight on some of the street corners, a person asking for help. At first I was irritated, thinking why couldn't he just get a job at McDonalds.. delivering newspapers.. ANYTHING at all!!! And at that moment I looked right into this individuals eyes. For some reason my heart sank and I felt a pang of pity. I had to look away immediately because I had nothing to offer. No money, no food, nothing. But as I looked into my side mirror, I saw something that absolutely touched my heart enough to bring tears down my cheeks. A man that didn't look much better than the one standing on the side of the road asking for help, pulls up in an older truck. He then rolled his window down, handed the man a wad of cash and patted him on the back. I have no idea what was exchanged between the two, but this small, insignificant experience that I watched through my side mirror inspired me. After a long work day and dinner is made, my husband and I sit down for dinner. As my husband is praying and thanking GOD for everything he is doing in our lives, he begins to talk about us being able to share what we have been given to others, not just family and friends. Wow. This couldn't be more fitting. I have been inspired. Inspired to be a better person to those around me and those I don't know. To share some of the Gods grace with people who have soo much less than I do. Those who struggle to find their way each and every day and don't have a single soul to turn to. When those people think that there is no hope left. When someone is living their darkest hour, I WILL SHINE THE LIGHT. It is time. Time to make it right. To bring light to so much darkness in this world.

To be continued...........